Waves

I have been asking myself for a long time, “What is my purpose? Why am I here?” I think I finally know. As a very wise friend puts it, the only purpose is to become more of who we already are. Does that make sense? We are all already who we were meant to be. We just don’t remember. The physical world, with all its trappings, so often clouds and overshadows our true essence. The need to become successful, by society’s standards, keeps our true purpose and authentic gifts either unrevealed, or unappreciated and dishonored. It is our desire to return to the reason for our existence on this earthly plane. We are the extension of Sacred Source in physical form. We are here to remember that and revel in it.

I used to think fame and money would make me happy. I really believe money cannot make you happy. Fame is an attempt to deal with the fear of death. If your true desire is money and fame, and you achieve it, what’s left? Just take a look at Hollywood. This week, yet another talented actress lost her life. I can’t be one hundred percent sure, but I’ll bet Brittany Murphy did not die entirely of natural causes. Seemingly, she had a great life...a career she loved, a husband, money…all the things Americans believe will lead to happiness. Look at Tiger Woods… a career playing golf, walking around in the sunshine a couple months a year, playing a game and raking in the dough. A beautiful wife and lovely children, and, yet, he blew it all up sleeping with a plethora of other women. My guess is that neither of these people had a genuine connection to their true power…the Divine.

As a side note to this week’s tragedy, do you think Saturday Night Live now gets the point that drug additiction, anorexia, world hunger, and every other painful thing they make light of is not so damn funny? That show hasn’t been funny in twenty years. Perhaps, it’s time to quit. If the only things they can write about are the sufferings of fellow human beings, it’s definitely time to stop polluting the already offensive airways.

We live in a society that values the superficial. Many people don’t want to dig deep. All of our institutions, schools and churches included, are constructed in a way to keep us from enlightenment. If it looks good, all is well. All is not even in the vicinity of well. We need to refocus. Uncover our true natures, talents, and gifts. Learn to appreciate the simple things. Turn off the TV once in a while and go to Source. Sit with it, listen to it, let it envelope you, enfold you, love you.

So, what have I realized by examining myself, as well as looking at the people we, as a culture, believe to be blessed. Well, I used to be one of those people. I wasn’t thin enough, pretty enough, wealthy enough, etc, etc, etc. Am I completely cured of my superficial afflictions? No, but I’m a hell of a lot better than I was, and I’m getting healthier all the time. I believe money and fame may be by-products of doing what you love. That’s OK, so long as it’s not defining who you are, as a physical or spiritual being. I believe the lack of tending to spirit is the number one reason things often go so wrong. I’m not talking about going to church on Sunday and calling it good. I’m talking about daily mindfulness and gratitude for who we truly are…children of Sacred Source.

I can’t pretend to know what Brittany and Tiger’s true goals are or were; all I know is something went terribly wrong. I feel sad about the death of Brittany Murphy. On screen, she exuded a light uniquely her own. By all accounts, she was plagued, as are so many of us, by self-doubt and a feeling of not being “good enough.”

I think the true objective of life is to find joy, happiness, peace, and fulfillment in anything and everything we do. This is our mission. This is the way back to wholeness…oneness with Source. There are many blessings to be found in the simple things.

As Wiccans, we follow a different path. Yet, many, many of us wrestle with these same issues. What can we do get back on our chosen paths? What can we do to change the world? There is only one answer. Change ourselves. Each of us sends a vibration out into the Sacred Stream. Each vibration changes the dynamics of the stream. Each change affects the Whole. Let’s stir the waters of mass consciousness and make some waves!


As the darkness gives way to the light, let us be the torch guiding the way home. So mote it be.

Gratitude

Thanksgiving Blessings to All!

Cheyenne

My husband found her when she was about eight weeks old. He was on his way to work, up in the back country, and he saw her jumping at butterflies near a bar ditch. He decided if she was still there at the end of the day, he would take her home. She was still there...a beautiful black, tan, and white puppy - a mutt, but a very special one, sent to teach. First him, and in time, me. She picked us to be her guardians in this lifetime, fourteen years ago. She is slowly making herself ready to go home to the Goddess; sacred source. Hecate is her guide. I know she will receive safe passage back to that from which we all come.

I wanted to write about Cheyenne while she is still here with us. She's sleeping behind my chair as I type. I have had many, many dogs in my life. She has been different than the others. It has always been so clear to me that she was "sent." Initially, it was to help my husband get through a very difficult time. She didn't become "mine" until she was almost a year old...when my husband moved in and brought her with him. Yet, she has always been mine, as well. She was sent to me, also.

Were it not for Cheyenne, my marriage would almost assuredly have ended in the first or second year. If that had happened, I would not have learned all I now know about myself. I would not have learned how to incorporate a man into my life. I would not have learned to manage my, once, monstrous anger. I would not have learned tolerance and empathy. I would not have had the opportunity to know the totally original, complex, and maddening man who is my husband. Cheyenne kept us together. I knew if he left, he would have taken her with him. I couldn't bear to part with her.

These days, Cheyenne suffers from "sundown syndrome." As the light fades, she grows anxious and restless. She wanders the house and gets "stuck" in the corners. It's a hard thing to watch. She mostly sleeps during the day. She requires medication to be comfortable at night. I'm waiting for her to tell us it's time...time to go home. I don't think she's quite ready. I know we're not ready, but we'll do what is best for her.

My husband is devastated. I don't know this because he has said so. Devastated is not a word he would ever use to describe himself. I know what she means to him. I know she is the reason he was able to open his heart, the tiniest bit, and try to love again.

I know there are more lessons she wants to gift to us. My parents both died in a state of dementia. It was difficult to watch them deteriorate. It was difficult to care for them. It was heartbreaking. I was so angry at them. So, I am learning, through Cheyenne, to dig deeper and uncover a more profound level of love, patience, tolerance, and acceptance.

I often think I haven't had great periods of sustained happiness in my life. Yet, every time I've looked at this dog, for the last fourteen years, I have felt pure joy. I could not have been given a greater gift.

I love you, Cheyenne. I know one day our spirits will soar together. Until then, you live in my heart.

Manifestation

I've been practicing the Law of Attraction and, more importantly, letting go and trusting in the divine to bring all I need, want, and feel I deserve. That last part is keeping all I want from coming into my circumstance. Letting go of old thought patterns, regarding what I deserve and how things come to me, requires vigilance over allowing old ideas into my reality. For example, I was taught, as were many of us, that I must work hard for what I get in life. With that belief, it's difficult to believe financial abundance will come any other way. I keep reminding myself that I don't have to know how something will manifest, only that it will if I manage to keep my connection to the scared open and uncluttered. I am starting small. I have received conformation,from the PTB that they are listening and giving me what I want...just enough. I'm going to begin asking for more, not only financial abundance, but an abundance of health, love, friendship, etc. Meanwhile, my faith grows stronger. More and more of the time, I know all is well.

In a different vein, I went back to work last week. I'm a special education teacher again. Last year, I taught 8th grade English. I'm not used to classes as big as those were. I've always been a special ed. or reading teacher. I like working with smaller groups. It is so much less stressful and much more effective. I think once I've got a stranglehold on the paperwork, I'm going to like my job. I wrote a piece about my job last year, on another blog that sums up how I feel about what, where, and how I like to teach. It is as follows:


Fringe

I found out what my teaching assignment will be for next year - special ed - grades four, five, and six. I'm OK with that. This year, I taught eighth grade reading, actually, it was literature. I was hired to help out with the gigantic eighth grade class...too many kids, not enough teachers. I knew it was a temporary position. I'm OK with that, too.

I've never been a regular classroom teacher until this year. I was a special ed teacher for thirteen years and a Title 1 reading teacher for nine years. I liked the reading job the best. My current district was hoping to have a full time literacy opening next year, but, alas, funds won't allow for it.

I was torn between wanting the literacy job and wanting a room with a door. I really do not like the pod set up. It's like teaching in a fishbowl condo. There are five rooms along the edges of a common area. The rooms all have floor to ceiling sliding glass doors. As if that weren't bad enough, the doors are designed not to close all the way. So, there is a four foot, open entrance leading to each classroom. I know - it's all the rage...middle school philosophy and all. I hate that set up. The kids are always distracted by what's going on in the other classes, as well as what's going on in the pod. You can hear everything everyone says. You can see everything everyone does. By the way, I hate the word pod. It's creepy. It's reminiscent of that futuristic old horror movie where everyone was taken over by aliens. Whales live in pods. For them, it's a good thing, as Martha Stewart would say. Not so much for eighth graders.

Until this year, I'd always led a rather autonomous existence in the schools in which I've worked. This year, I was entrenched in the eighth grade pod. The other teachers were very helpful to me, the newcomer. I appreciate their efforts. The whole set up is just not me. All the while I was asking the universe for the literacy position, I was also asking for a door. The two don't jive in this situation. The room with the door won out.

I'll be back to setting up my own program. I like having some freedom within the institution that is a public school. It's hard to find. Freedom is not a top priority in a building housing 700 kids for eight hours a day.

My new room is smaller. That's fine. I'll be back to working with smaller groups of kids and, hopefully, feeling like I'm making some kind of a difference for more of them. It's almost impossible to give individual help to a kid when there are twenty plus others also wanting your attention.

My new room will not be in a pod. It will be adjacent to a pod...on the fringe, you might say. Ah, back where I belong.

Regrouping

Well, I've not blogged for a while...too much going on in my head and in my life. I don't really want to go into the negatives, other than to say I'm holding strong, for the most part, and the marital stuff is going to resolve itself, one way or the other, very soon.

For today, I'm remembering that I am an aspect of Source and I am loved. I believe one of the most important aspects of being a witch is having faith in the rhythms of the universe. It is sometimes very difficult to hang on to the belief that everything you need will come if you can just not block the flow by worst case scenario thoughts. My fear around not having enough money is palpable at present. Money is an ongoing thorn in my side. Yet, I have never not been able to find a way to come up with money in a pinch. Why would this time be any different? The trick is to not allow fear to extinguish faith.

Wicca is all about utilizing the magick available to us all. While I'm able to come up with money when immediately needed, I never have a surplus, and finding it doesn't come easy. Therefore, it's way past time to take a good look at what money represents in my life. What beliefs are stopping the flow? Do I believe I'm not worthy of more money? Do I believe I must work hard to get money? Do you see where I'm going with this?

I believe in the Law of Attraction. I believe like attracts like. Negative thoughts beget more of the same. Source will always bring what you're asking for - positive or negative. Right now, I can't see a logical way for financial abundance to come into my life. That's where faith comes in, doesn't it? I have to get to the place where I can say, "It's not my job to know how something will come to me. It's my job to step aside and let Sacred Source bring it to me."

Today, I'm going to let it go! I'm grateful for all I do have in my life. So, I'll stand aside and let the magick happen!

Blessed Be.